It has been one entire month since I have been a full-time missionary.
Coming home is just like being a brand new missionary all over again- there is major culture shock, a new language (made up of pop culture references you are unaware of), new faces, and so much UNKNOWN. All this WITHOUT the safety of the mission rules or White Handbook.
In the time I have been home, I have caught up on the movies and music I've missed, seen friends, I am working, going to Singles Ward, trying to figure out school, going to the temple at least once a week... My life is pretty "normal" again.
On my mission, my RM friends would email me about the identity crisis you go through when you get home. I am not the same person I was before the mission, and I am also not a a full-time missionary, so... who am I now? The fun/ terrifying thing is I get to be the RM me- the one who has a solid testimony, who does hard things, and is goal-oriented. For some reason, with all the pep-talks I got when I returned home, I thought it would be easy and I would gracefully step into this new phase of my life. Well, (anyone who knows me could tell you I am NOT graceful) I kind of fell flat on my face!
Who would have thought it would be hard to do a morning schedule when you got home? I never thought I would let my priorities change or nosedive straight into Babylon the second I don't have the "White Handbook consequences" to keep me from slacking off. But that is exactly what I let happen, because I didn't have plans and goals in place before life went "back to normal". Not that I have done anything bad... but my motivation to do good things (ie wake up at a reasonable hour, pray, exercise, read my scriptures, etc.) went out the windows the second I didn't have that positive peer pressure from companions/roomates. The thing is I did the opposite of PROGRESS. I went BACKwards.
I spent some time being frustrated with myself, but I finally decided to APPLY what I learned on my mission- something I wish all the investigators and less-actives I worked with would do- I decided to use the enabling power of the Atonement to CHANGE.
How thankful I am for a Savior who loves me enough to help me out of a hole I dug for myself. I have seen countless times how He is always reaching out to me.
I got a little smarter- I made some goals and I am making changes because I want to be the best I can be. I have learned that it is okay to make mistakes- just learn from them and for heaven's sake, don't do it again!
Being an RM can be hard if you make it that way for yourself, but as long as you remember to do the basics WITHOUT fail, you can gracefully step into this new phase of life!
Your Savior loves you. He will never give up on you. He is ready to help you when you ask for it.
Don't give up!
